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Post by prodigypaulk on Jan 30, 2008 0:42:18 GMT -5
Peace ain’t never tried to show its face to the ghetto, Not just the ghetto, watch it fade on all particular levels. I must of searched the lowest stages of hell to try to find peace, My misery fueled all the hate that exists in me. I figured if I tried to hold a grudge against society, They wouldn’t lie to me, and it would cease this fuckin’ tyranny. That’s not the case, so why we gotta face redundant violent times And violent crimes, crying babies couldn’t find a peace of mind. A broken mother, couldn’t find peace inside of poverty, Three kids, and no dad he livin through misogyny. We hurt because too many lose their life to the streets, We gettin shot down in cold blood and call it reality. Blood seemed to shadow all the joy that’s inside. I saw my mom cry; I dried her eyes, but couldn’t tell a lie. We all alone I tried to excavate the feeling of pain, But it’s impossible; it dies and comes full throttle again. Don’t try to find peace, it can’t find its way to the day, So in the mean time we settle with this piece on our waist. I sent a letter God to try to fuel my survival, But if it won’t work I’m packing for an early arrival. I feel my heart beating fast, traumatized from brutality, Hospitality it don’t mean shit in reality. Practicality merely compliments actuality, So theoretically I gotta say fuck peace.
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Post by cheddar on Jan 30, 2008 15:59:54 GMT -5
This poem is def more aggressive than most of your pieces...
my favorite part: "I sent a letter God to try to fuel my survival, But if it won’t work I’m packing for an early arrival."
Not only because of the creativity on the early arrival part, but because it really shows the whole...'grasping for hope, but not optimistic' state of mind, which I can definitely relate to.
You also masterfully used consonance and assonance. Those last lines:
"I feel my heart beating fast, traumatized from brutality, Hospitality it don’t mean shit in reality. Practicality merely compliments actuality, So theoretically I gotta say fuck peace."
also the t sound was very abundant. good stuff.
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drzeke
Fan
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Posts: 74
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Post by drzeke on Feb 2, 2008 16:07:05 GMT -5
Yo Prodigy, I liked it. Has a good message, but it's not stupid about it. You have some nice stuff, I think if we came together for one round we could come up with something good.
Hey, do you have Skype? We could use that for ease of use factor.
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Post by deaddepth89 on Apr 5, 2011 7:53:27 GMT -5
Aweh....I liked it.....!
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