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Am I?
May 22, 2007 13:45:02 GMT -5
Post by Rara Avis on May 22, 2007 13:45:02 GMT -5
I tend to focus on the downside with my poetry. Poetry is my escape. Well...tell me what ya guys think ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I can see the death, drugs, destruction, and demise Over played, been made super-sized Crime is on overtime, like the bunny energized How about the child that's never met his father Murdered in cold blood, didn't give up his money Does that make him a martyr Or how about the child, came out a crack baby Started to do drugs herself, Been sleepin around lately You don't need to be in the ghettos to see what I see Shit, all this came from a middle-class community I'm 14, yet I've seen what few would believe I've seen what the world lacks, and what the world needs No one cares about you, just as long as they're content Fuck your wants and needs, it's not at theirs but your expense The morals are missing, only few possess that which is needed I think to myself, when I give advice, Is it even heeded I've begged time and time again, now I'm on my knees pleading Make that one difference that will spark the minds of revolutionaries I'm only one man, only one person, we need more than just one visionary Puttin my visions to help mankind on my notepad I'm young but already feeling like a nomad Am I the only one that thinks that is a little sad
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Am I?
May 23, 2007 14:46:31 GMT -5
Post by FoKuZ on May 23, 2007 14:46:31 GMT -5
Decent..It has potential, you just didn't flip it correctly. Also, you need to stretch out some of your lines to keep the flow steady. Your lines should be at least 12-14 syllables, it rolls off the tounge nice and crisp, ya feel me? And i have the feeling that sometimes you have no idea what your talking about.. "I'm young but feeling like a nomad." I hope you know what nomad means... Also, multies wouldn't hurt your flow either..
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Am I?
May 23, 2007 15:50:54 GMT -5
Post by Rara Avis on May 23, 2007 15:50:54 GMT -5
yea i know what a nomad is. and it's not a freestyle, it's a poem. poetry doesn't have to follow the rules of writing freestyles and hip hop
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Am I?
Jul 2, 2007 21:12:30 GMT -5
Post by prodigypaulk on Jul 2, 2007 21:12:30 GMT -5
good poem I'm felin this....With poetry there is no rules....the only rules in poetry is writin how you feel, the rest will fall..... Good message, and trust me theres many that can relate trust me, I know... Keep up the poems though you keep gettin better.........
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Am I?
Jul 2, 2007 21:49:19 GMT -5
Post by Rara Avis on Jul 2, 2007 21:49:19 GMT -5
Thanks man. Welcome back btw.
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